Stage Two: Uncertainty

When someone is more special to us than others, we automatically move into stage two, uncertainty. When we begin to feel that we would really like to get to know someone and have an exclusive relationship, it is quite natural suddenly to shift and not feel so sure. For some that shift is like an earthquake and for others it is a mind tremor. Sometimes the size of the shift or the suddenness with which it occurs is a signal that this person has good potential.
You could actually be dating your soul mate, but in stage two of dating you may not know it.

When The Grass Looks Greener on the Other Side of the Fence
As long as man has not experienced the reality of making a woman happy, he will hold a fantasy picture.
In stage two, even if the grass on the other side of the fence begins to look greener, the man’s new objective is to look and dig a little deeper on his side of the fence, to stop looking at the grass and dig for the gold. He may or may not find it, but he will never find it if he doesn’t start digging.
To dig deeper he needs to ask himself these questions:
· Could I possibly be the right man for her?
· Could I possibly have what it takes to make her happy?
· Do I care for her?
· Do I want to make her happy?
· Does her happiness make me happy?
· Do I miss her when I am away from her?
When, over time, a man discovers an affirmative answer to each of these questions, then he is ready to move on to an exclusive relationship.

Why Men Begin to Doubt
A man’s doubts are dispelled not primarily by what a woman does for him, but by how she responds to what he does for her.
When a man focuses on what he wants, he is sure to miss the perfect woman for him.

When Women Are Uncertain
When a woman moves into stage two and feels uncertain, she reacts differently from a man. While a man tends to question whether he wants to pursue a relationship, a woman tends to question where the relationship is going. Quite often, she senses the man pulling away. To find reassurance, she makes one of two common mistakes. Either she starts asking questions about the relationship, or she may try to win him over. Both of these approaches can push him away or prevent him from feeling confident that he is the right guy for her.
In the uncertainty stage, when a woman doesn’t understand a man, she may easily begin to panic.

What a Woman Asks
· Did I do something wrong?
· Is there someone else?
· Does he still care?
· Will he call?
· Am I doing the right things?
· Am I doing enough?
· What can I do to regain his attention, interest, affection, and desire?
Unfortunately, all of these questions lure her in the wrong direction: she begins to pursue him.
For a woman, the stage of uncertainty should be a time to reflect on what she is getting from the man, not on what she could get. This is a time for the woman to stay open to his future advances, but more important, it is a time to fill up her life with the support of friends. This is a time to test whether he is really the right person for an exclusive relationship.

How to Avoid Pursuing Too Much

What to Do When He Doesn’t Call
The worst thing a woman can do is to call a man and interrogate him about his feelings about her and the relationship.
Just as time slows down for women in uncertainty, time can speed up for a man.

The Pressure to Give Back

Need and Obligation
By clearly realizing that she is under no obligation, a woman can begin to freely flirt with men and enjoy receiving what men can offer.
Just because a woman enjoys a man’s gift does not in any way obligate her to give more than a smile or a thank you.

The Desire for Intimacy Is Innocent
If a woman is not ready she can still be polite and firmly say no to man’s sexual advances.

Four Degrees of Physical Intimacy
A woman can say yes to different degrees of sex without having to go all the way. This is a very important insight, because to avoid intercourse, many women will not be physically affectionate or sexual at all. For a woman to feel comfortable being physically intimate, she needs to share a clear picture of how far she wants to go, and she must get a clear message from the man that he will respect what she wants.
· First Base: to do kissing and affection.
· Second Base: they begin to stimulate the first and second erogenous zones.
· Third Base: the full stimulation of the genitals without intercourse.
· Home Base

How to Say NO

When Waiting to Get Involved Is a Mistake

(From “ Mars and Venus on a Date” ch.4)