Stage One: Attraction

Although feelings of attraction are automatic, in order to sustain attraction in a personal relationship we must also be skillful in presenting ourselves in ways that are not just appealing to the order sex but supportive as well.

Expressing Your Most Positive Self
To sustain attraction in stage one, we must express our best and most positive self. Without an understanding of the customs and manners on Venus, a man can put his best foot forward and unknowingly turn a date off.

Asking for Her Number
A man doesn’t realize his power to win her over and become attractive to her. He doesn’t how to start becoming more attractive to her by:
• First initiating eye contact
• Just noticing her
• politely and casually looking her over as she looks away
• being interested in getting to know her
• liking her
• being attracted to her
• taking the risk of introducing himself
• asking some friendly questions
• looking at her when she talks
• giving her his full attention
• complimenting her
• letting her know at the end of the conversation that her would like to call her (It can be so simple to say, “I’d like to give you a call.”)
Whenever a man does something to make a woman feel special, in her eyes becomes more attractive.

How Women Misunderstand Men
Women also misunderstand men. A woman often mistakenly assume that if a man is the right man for her, he will know what she wants and will automatically consider her needs and do the things she does to show that her cares. When he doesn’t fulfill this unrealistic expectation, then she becomes unnecessarily frustrated and discouraged.
On Venus, friends enjoy the opportunity to share freely the mishaps, frustrations, disappointments, and complaints of the week.
A man is attracted to a woman who clearly can be pleased.
After getting to know our best sides, we are ready to deal with the less positive sides of who we are.

When a Woman Gives On a Date
After being receptive to man’s advances and appreciating his efforts, a woman doesn’t owe a man anything.
Distance not only makes the heart grow fonder but gives a man the opportunity to pursue.

Unlocking the Car Door
When a woman is too eager to please, a man doesn’t experience the distance he needs to pursue her.
When a woman reaches across to unlock a man’s door, it defeats the whole purpose of the date and confuses their roles.

Why Women Give Too Much
A woman need never feel obligated to please a man.

Falling in Love Right Away
When a woman falls in love, she may feel as if she is already getting everything she could ever want.

Finding the Right Person for You

Finding the right person for you is like hitting the center of a target in archery. To aim and hit the center takes a lot of practice.

Good Endings Make Good Beginnings
How we end a relationship and how we evaluate a date are essential to fine-tuning our ability to be attracted to the right person for us. The secret of making sure one relationship leads to another one, closer to what you want, is to pay a lot of attention to how you end a relationship. How you end a relationship has an enormous impact on the quality of your next relationship. Good endings make good beginnings.

Repeating Patterns
When we end a relationship with resentment or guilt, we are attracted to someone who will help us deal with unresolved feelings and issues.

Staying Together Too Long
One of the reasons people end relationships with negative feelings is that they stay together too long. They do not recognize they are with the wrong person and move on. Instead, they try too hard to make a relationship work. They either try to change their partner or try to change themselves. In the process of trying to fit together, they make things worse. In trying to make a relationship that is close to the right one into the right one, they create frustration and disappointment. In the process of trying to make things better, they bring out the worst in their partner and themselves.

When Love Is Not Enough
As Bill and Susan moved through the first three stages of dating, everything had been fine, but in the fourth stage it went downhill. As Bill got to know Susan, he began to think he was not right for her and she was not right for him. He loved her, but he didn’t want to marry her.
Neither Bill nor Susan knew that it was perfectly healthy to get to know a person, fall in love, and then discover that this person is not a right one. Instead of ending their relationship with love, they ended it because they had so many arguments that they just didn’t like each other anymore. Without this important insight, many people end relationships by focusing on the negative instead of by focusing on the positive.

How Do You Know When Someone Is Right?
“How do you know if someone is right?”
“Well, I don’t exactly know what to tell you---you just know.”

What Many Single People Don’t Understand
Many single people don’t understand this basic truth. They mistakenly believe that if you love someone, you should want to have a relationship with them. This is not right. The closer someone is to being the right person, the more you will be able to see him or her as worthy of your love, but still this might not be the right person for you. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean he or she is the one for you.
People do not realize that love is not enough. If they discover that their partner is not right, either they feel guilty ending the relationship or they unnecessarily focus on what does not work in the relationship in order to justify leaving.
When couples don’t know how to end a relationship with love, they bring out the worst in their partners and the worst in themselves. Not only is this unnecessary, but it makes it more difficult to find the right person next time.

What It Takes
In most cases it takes both time and progression through the five stages before you can recognize your true life partner and soul mate. Certainly there are games and manipulations to make someone love you and want to marry you, but this doesn’t ensure that he or she will be right for you.

Finding a Soul Mate
A soul mate is someone who has the unique ability to bring out the best in us. Soul mates are not perfect, but perfect for us. While they can bring out the best in us, without good communication skills they can also bring out the worst in us, and vice versa. We are not just physically turned on to them; our soul gets turned on as well.
There are basically four kinds of chemistry between dating partners: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Physical chemistry generates desire. Emotional chemistry generates affection. Mental chemistry creates interest. Spiritual chemistry creates love. A soul mate includes all four.

Physical Attraction Is Not Enough

The Soul and Lasting Love

Opening Our Hearts
In the early stages of dating, when our hearts are not fully open to each other, we depend on our feelings of attraction and interest to find the right person. Feelings of attraction and interest can only lead us into a relationship that meets our emotional needs. Once we begin to get our emotional needs met in a relationship, our hearts begin to open and we experience real love and intimacy. As we get to know our partner with love, it is still not certain that we will pick him or her as our soul mate.
We may feel a deep soul love, but still that person may not be the one. Finding deep and lasting love does not mean a person is the perfect person for you. When some people mistakenly assume that loving a person means marriage, they can never open up to feel the love in their hearts because they are not sure that they want to marry that person.

Marriage Is a Choice
Marriage is a choice, but not like any other choice. You don’t marry just any person you love. Instead, you first find love and then you are capable of making the right choice. As we have already explored, the experience of real love for a person doesn’t necessarily mean he or she is the one for you. The experience of real love does connect us to our soul. With this connection, we are then able to know what our soul wants to do.
Choosing a soul mate is not mental decision based on the pros and cons of a relationship. It is not an emotional decision based on comparing how a person makes you feel. It is not a physical decision based on how a person looks. It is much deeper. When our soul wants to marry our partner, it feels like a promise that we came into this world to keep.
It feels as if we are supposed to be together and share our lives.

Preparing Ourselves
Most people find or are found by their soul mates when they are not really looking.

Autonomy Is the Basis for Intimacy
As we become more autonomous and mature, we automatically begin looking for more in our relationships.

Soul Mates Are Not Perfect

When You Can’t Make Up Your Mind

The Importance of Exclusivity

Increasing Discernment
Why Couples Are Waiting To Get Married
It is wise to first know yourself before trying to share your self in a marriage.

The Wisdom of Going Slowly
Just as living separately from our parents is an important part of growing up, living separately from the opposite sex is equally important.

(From "Mars and Venus on a Date" ch.2)

Archery: [U] 箭術
Resentment: n.[U] 憤恨、憎恨、怨恨
Autonomy: n.[U]自治、自治權；[C] 自治團體

Contents of Mars and Venus on a Date

1. Mars and Venus on a Date
2. Finding the Right Person for You
3. Stage One: Attraction
4. Stage Two: Uncertainty
5. Stage Three: Exclusivity
6. Stage Four: Intimacy
7. Stage Five: Engagement
8. Making It Through the Five Stages
9. When the Clock Keeps Ticking and He’s Not Wearing a Watch
10. Men Are Like Blowtorches
11. The Dynamics of Male and Female Desire
12. Men Pursue and Women Flirt
13. Acknowledge Men and Adore Women
14. Men Advertise and Women Share
15. Why Men Don’t Call
16. To Call or Not to Call
17. Men Love a Woman with a Smile
18. Women Love a Man with a Plan
19. Why Some Women Remain Single
20. Where to Find Your Soul Mate
21. 101 Places to Meet Your Soul Mate
22. And They Lived Happily Ever After

Mars and Venus

The book “Mars and Venus on a Date” is written by John Gray.
The subtitle of the book is that a guide for navigating the 5 stages of dating to create a loving and lasting relationship.
This is a book for people to understand the difference between men and women in dating and how to complete the 5-stages of dating.
It is not enough to merely to authentic in sharing yourself; to succeed in dating you need to consider how you will be interpreted as well.

The five stages of dating

Stage One: Attraction
We experience our initial attraction to a potential partner. The challenge in the first stage is to make sure you get the opportunity to express that attraction and get to know a potential partner.
Stage Two: Uncertainty
We experience a shift from feeling attraction to feeling uncertain that our partner is right for us. The challenge in this stage is to recognize this uncertainty as normal and not be swayed by it.
Stage Three: Exclusivity
We feel a desire to date a person exclusively. We want the opportunity to give and receive love in a special relationship without competition. We want to relax and have more time to share with our partner. All of the energy that went into looking for the right person can now go into creating a mutually loving and romantic relationship. The danger in this stage is that we become too comfortable and stop doing the little things that make our partners feel special.
Stage Four: Intimacy
We begin to experience real intimacy. We feel relaxed enough to let down our guard and share ourselves more deeply than before. The opportunity of this stage to experience the best in ourselves and our partner, while the challenge to deal with our less-than-best sides. Without and understanding of how men and women react differently to intimacy, it is easy to conclude mistakenly that we are just too different to proceed.
Stage Five: Engagement
With the certainty that we are with the person we want to marry, we become engaged. In this stage we have the opportunity to celebrate our love. This is the time to experience our relationship joyfully, happily, peacefully, and lovingly. This is a time of great excitement and promise. Many couples make the mistake of rushing into getting married. They do not understand that this is a vital time to gather positive experiences of sharing together and resolving disagreements and disappointments before the bigger challenges of being married, moving in together, and having a family. This stage provides a strong foundation for experiencing a lifetime of love and romance.

The fastest way of finding a special partner or being found by someone is to create positive dating experiences.
Learning from mistakes helps prevent the repetition of negative patterns.

Gifts of Love

One dollar of eighty-seven cents. That was all. Della had been saving for months, one or two pennies at a time, but there was only one dollar and eighty-seven cents. And the next day would be Christmas.

She sat down and cried. She had spent many happy hours planning a nice Christmas present for Jim, her dear husband, but there was not enough money to buy even a cheap necktie.

Della stopped crying and stood up. She turned and stood before the mirror. She pulled her down and let it fall.

Now, Jim and Della had little money, but they had two things that were like treasures. One was Jim’s gold watch, which had been his grandfather’s. The other was Della’s beautiful long hair. It looked like shining waves of water.

Della pinned her hair back up, then rushed out the door and walked quickly down the street. She stopped before a sign that read, “Beautiful Salon.” She ran inside.

“Will you buy my hair?” she asked. She unpinned it and let it fall down again.
“Twenty dollars,” the owner said, looking at the hair carefully.
“Give it to me quickly,” said Della.

For the next two hours, she looked in all the stores for Jim’s present. She found it at last: a fine gold watch chain.

Della returned home, then sat down and waited for her husband. “I hope Jim will think I ‘m still pretty,” she said to herself.

Soon, the door open and Jim stepped in. When he saw Della, he looked shocked. He stared at her, with a strange look on his face. Della jumped. He stared at her, with a strange look on his face. Della jumped up. “Jim, darling, don’t look at me that way. I sold my hair because I wanted so much to give you a Christmas present. Don’t you love me just at much anyhow?”

“Don’t make any mistake about me Della,” he said. “Your short hair doesn’t make me love you less. But if you open this package, you will see why I was so surprised.”

Her fingers tore open the paper. She gave a cry of joy --- but it quickly changed into tears. There lay the set of combs that Della had wanted for so long. They were beautiful, with jewels on the edges, and just the right color for her hair. But now she had no hair to wear them in.

She held the combs tightly and looked up. Her eyes were red, but she smiled and said, “My hair grows very fast, Jim.”

Then Della quickly gave Jim his present. “Isn’t it lovely? I looked all over town for it. Give me your watch. I want to see how it looks!”
But Jim just sat down on the coach, put his hands behind his head, and smiled. “Della,” he said, “let’s put our presents away. They’re too nice to use right now. I sold my watch to get the money to buy your combs. And now I guess it’s time for us to have our dinner.”

(adapted from “The Gift of the Magi” by O. Herry)

Attractions at Tucson

1. Old Pima county courthouse
2. Historic architecture: St. Augustine Cathedral, Fort Lowell, the Owls club, Steinfield mansion, Casa Del Gobernador, La Casa Cordova, J. Knox Corbett house, Edward Nye house.
3. University of Arizona
4. Pima air museum
5. Titan missile museum
6. Mission San Xavier Del Bac
7. Saguaro National Monuments
8. Sabino Canyon
9. Mt. Lemmon
10. Santa Catalina mountains
11. Old Tucson Studios
12. Tohono Chul Park
13. Biosphere 2
14. Arizona Sonora Desert Museum
15. Kitt Peak
16. Mission in the Sun
17. Colossal CaveReid Park Zoo

Making Telephone Calls

Communicating in English on the phone can be difficult. But it will be easier if you become familiar with some common expressions. Also, remember that most Westerners follow certain rules of politeness when talking on the phone. The following are some guidelines for American telephone manners.
1. When you call someone, introduce yourself first. Even if you know the person, don’t expect him or her to recognize your voice.
2. After introducing yourself, you might ask, “Are you busy right now?” If it is a business call, you can say, “Is this a convenient time to call?”
3. If the person is busy, you can say, “What time should I call back?”
4. When you answer the phone at home, you can simply say “Hello.” At an office, you should identify the name of your company. For example: “Formosa Plastics, may I help you?”
5. If you dial a wrong number, it is not polite to say, “What number is this?” Instead, you can say, “I’m sorry. Is this 2595-2345?”
6. When you want to end a phone conversation, you can say, “Thanks for calling” or “It’s been nice talking to you.” To be more direct, you can say, “I’m sorry. I have to go now.”
(From Far East English Reader)
Dialogeues:
1. A student in Taiwan is calling a school in the United States.
Operator: University of Oregon.
Student: Could I have the Language Training Center, please?
Operator: One moment, please.
Secretary: Language Center. May I help you?
Student: Hello, I’m calling from Taiwan. I’d like to get some information about your program.
Secretary: Just a minute. I’ll connect you with Ms. Barnes.

2. A man calls the American Institute in Taiwan (AIT) AIT has a recorded phone message.
Recording: This is the American Institute in Taiwan. If you know the extension you want, please dial it now. If you need other information or want to speak to an operator, dial 0.
Operator: AIT. May I help you?
Caller: Could I have the visa office, please?
Operator: One moment.
3. Hua-ming makes a personal call to his friend Steve.
Steve: Hello.
Hua-ming: Hello, is Steve there?
Steve: Speaking.
Hua-ming: Hi, Steve. This is Hua-ming.
Steve: Hua-ming! How’ve you been? I haven’t heard from you for ages!
Hua-ming: I’ve been great. How have you been?

4. Mei-ling calls her classmate Ruth, who has an answering machine.
Recording: you have reach 2333-6633. We can’t answer the phone right now. Please leave your name and number after the tone.
Mei-Ling: Hi, Ruth, this is Mei-ling. Please call me back when you get home. My number is 2264-8878.

5. Amy calls her classmate Peter, but she dials the wrong number.
Answerer: Hello.
Amy: Hello, could I speak to Peter?
Answerer: I’m sorry, there’s no one here by that name.
Amy: Oh? Is this 2718-3357?
Answerer: No, it’s not. I’m afraid you have the wrong number.
Amy: Sorry!

Idioms and Phrases:
1. Even if: in spite of the fact that.
Even if you can do it by yourself, you’d better discuss it with us first.
2. Hear from: to receive a letter or telephone call from.

3. For ages: for a long time.

We haven’t seen each other for ages.